Thursday, January 24, 2008

Alphabet of Manliness by MADDOX: Hardest Piece of Literature Ever Created

Warning! If the following mentioned work of perfection is not added to your bookshelf immediately after reading you may suffer loss of all testicle usage. In fact, I would like to add to the disclaimer by emphasizing that it is not a warning by any means and if this is your second time glancing over this post you very well may have already had your balls removed, disintegrated, and/or tucked so deep into your colon your skin flute is now part of a one man band blowing other dicks for coke. Do not look down.

Full grown, hair covered caveman uppercutting a giant gorilla with no remorse. Ok, this is already a must cop. Lets keep it moving.

The man you see above this line should not be confused with the over hyped socialist turned trendy hipster icon Che Guevara. That man was a bitch, being Cuban allows me to say that, what a perk. Seriously though, the picture above is actually Maddox The Pirate, who has single handedly composed the greatest doctrine for everything hard, (and for the record, yes he is a modern day pirate). Maddox is notorious for his extremely opinionated writings and pompous views throughout his website: The Greatest Page in the Universe, but has far outdone anything he has ever concocted with the substance in this book. It truly is a masterpiece and should be preserved in the Louvre Museum next to the Mona Lisa, except it shouldn't be in a glass case but be held for eternity by naked porn stars who rotate shifts every 10 years. Upon extinction of Earth it will then be launched into orbit along with the last porn star, firm grip and all. I mean, the content within this scribe is so rugged, so toxic, and so incredibly manly that if your chest hairs don't grow chest hair immediately after reading the inner cover, you should end your life, period.

The Alphabet of Manliness is an A-Z debacle of douchebaggery. We're talking people getting drop kicked in the face, excessive violence, garish disregard for children, tit punching, obscure penile referencing, proper urinal etiquette, tributes to lumberjacks, pirate mania, porn, true love otherwise known as a quickie, and quite possibly the greatest ode to Chuck Norris in the history of hard ass motherfuckers like Walker Texas Ranger himself. I am not even half playing here, this book is the truth. Jam packed with brilliant phrases and perfectly crafted punch lines engulfed in so much debauchery you may go awol and pillage you neighbor's home only to wake up the next morning with his wife blowing your longhorn. Dead serious, there are some accounts of this happening after completion of the book. Above and beyond, the illustrations depict such a vivid picture of what this swashbuckler is describing you can spend your lunch break laughing hysterically at one page. Peep:

Point made, cop the marvel and become a man or spend the rest of your days watching your dick shrivel.

Pimpin' Pens is a proud supporter of Maddox and everything that spills from his obnoxious cranium.

Posted By Los for Pimpin' Pens

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